quickwriteee.

For the past few days Ive actually been eating pretty bad. My addiction is hot chips, so Ive been eating about 2-3 bags each day all this week. Which is just horrible because hot chips are probably the most unhealthy chips you can eat. Sometimes my mom cook dinner at home but it usually isn't served with any type of fruits or vegetables. And in the morning i just eat cereal. So my eating habits are not that great. When i go out, either by myself or with friends i usually eat alot of fast foods or whatever is close. I think the main reason why i eat alot of fast food is because i dont have alot of money when i go out so i buy the most affordable food to eat. Which is fast food. Almost every other restaurant is some type of fast food and there really is only about one farmers market near me. Most of the time, especially with me, i just don't feel like some fruits or veggies because it lacks flavor compared to french fries. I absolutely love unhealthy stuff, chips, chocolate and cupcakes. I think that if i could cook i might be able to make my meals healthier but i really cant because I'm extremely clumsy. My mom definitely loves all kinds of junk food and i think that's where i got it from because theres always these bags of half full oreos and chips in our kitchen looking tempting. I feel like eating all this processed food is going to catch up with me. Like when i was a little younger i could eat whatever i wanted and not gain a pound. I was always really skinny. Im still skinny but i an see the differences all this junk food is making on my body now. It makes me really want to eat healthier. Another problem that i keep getting lectured on is the fact that most of the people from both sides of my family have food health-related issues. Such as heart disease and diabetes mostly. Everyone seems to think that if i don't take care of my body and keep healthy then im going to end up like them, which is probably true. Thats kind of a scary thought. I really don't want to have health problems when im older, because its going to get in the way of alot of things i want to do.
I really liked the TED movie today and not just because the speaker was cute and had a sexy accent. I especially like when he brought up about the school lunches and cafeteria food that a lot of kids eat. The last time i ate cafateria food was in elementry school and i actually liked it. But i think about the things they fed us and it was cookies and chips and pizza. It wasnt that healthy at all. Even though i dont eat school lunches i imagine there pretty much the same now. And they stink now too haha

EAST SIDE DREAMS LETTER.

The book East Side Dreams, by Art Rodriguez starts in his adolescent years. He talks about partying with his friends, getting pulled over by cops, and getting into to serious fights with people. It seems as though thats all his life consisted of. Then he speaks of his family more and life at home. He has three siblings and hes kind of the middle child. His Mother was the loving one, and his father believed in tough love. He recalls alot of his fathers beatings of him and his siblings. Art then talks alot about his neighborhood, San Jose. He says that in those days there were alot of racial seperations. He says there were Blacks, and whites, but mostly Mexicans. alot of mexicans. Being mexican-american himself, Art was very popular and had alot of friends. Most of his time was spent drinking and doing drugs, and of course fighting. Art seems to be in love with fighting.

I love the way Art Rodriguez writes because when hes telling stories it feels as if your there expieriencing it with him, its very realistic. I also like the way the chapters go back and forth. One chapter will be about his time hes doing in jail and the next chapter will be about a childhood memory. He pretty much does that the whole book and its a good transition. I think as a young teeneager, art wasnt a bad person but he definately was with people who didnt help him make the best choices. When he writes now you can tell he's definately tell he has matured greatly.
The main point of the story is Art going to jail. One night he gets into a big fight with a bunch of his friends at a party. Later some people that he faught eventually die, so it becomes a murder case. They sentence him even though there not forsure that he actually killed those people. He first goes to juvie until the court decides to prosecute him as an adult. Then he gets transferred to a prison that kind of a waiting place to be tooken to an even bigger prison. Mostly he talks about the fights he gets in in prison. So far, its a verrrry good book.

Something Good.

During summer 09' I did this internship at the Native American Health Center in fruitvale. There were only 10 spots available so i figured i needed something to do. Even though it was just an internship, it was to be treated like a real job. At the end of the summer you get $1,000, so ofcourse i did it because im saving up on getting a car when i get my liscence. Most of the time it was easy and they let us out like a 1 and we went to san francisco like everyday and they paid for it.. I don't even know why. Everything about it was pretty chill except they were really strict about the morning hours and made us have a time clock where we punched in a card. It would show even if your a minute late and they would yell at you. I met alot of new people though and became hella close with some people. At first i just wanted an easy way to get money and something good to look on my transcript, but after i did it i realized how much fun it was :]
Another part of the internship was we had to first answer all these questions in essay form. Most of them were super easy that could be written in like 30 minutes, But this was one i went all out on, and it's just super funny. No wonder i was in top 3 pick :)
>>> A work experience that I have is mentoring young children. About two years ago during the summer, I volunteered at a pre-school called Inch-By-Inch. It was a great experience just to be around young children and be able to interact with them. I think being able to interact and relate to people, especially young kids, is an important quality. I dedicated my time and was punctual each day and treated my volunteer work as if it were a real job. Another work experience I have is being an Office Aide. My duties included being able to handle paperwork and also being trustworthy. I had to follow a strict code of privacy. This meant I was not allowed to repeat what went on in the office or tell anyone what I heard or saw while handling their paperwork. I think being trustworthy is an important quality in a work environment This meant grading tests or taking notes for the teachers. I was basically doing whatever they wanted me to do and being flexible about it. Being flexible is an important quality because when something needs to be done and I don’t really want to do it, I understand that it is important to follow through on tasks. Another important quality that comes along with working for teachers is following directions. Being able to follow directions is a crucial skill to have when in a working environment because I wouldn’t want to do everything wrong and then have to go back and do it all over again. I also participated in an all girls group one summer and since I was the oldest, the group counselors would put me in charge of leading group activities. My independent thinking was helpful in becoming an effective leader. I think that the Youth Development Fellowship program will be a wonderful experience for me. It will benefit me because this program teaches some basic lessons like deadlines, public speaking, teamwork, and a lot on mentoring and connecting to other young people. The Fellowship program would also look good on either college applications or job applications and it could really help out when it comes to real life situations. I would be able to take what I’ve learned from this program and use it into adulthood. I know there is a lot to learn about Native culture and this program would help me stay connected to native culture and not forget who I am. In five years, I definitely see myself in college pursuing my dreams. I’d love to go to a college like U.C. Berkeley or UCLA, and I’d like to pursue studies in Native culture, fashion, and performing arts. I also see my future as being financially stable and being able to travel.

THIS LONNNG WEEK.

CRISIS OF FAITH.

I've always been a realist. Ever since i can remember, i've never believed in something i couldn't see with my own two eyes. A couple times I've pretended to be excited about Santa Clause or surprised to find a couple dollars under my pillow after Ive lost a tooth. But I've never truly believed in any of these things. The hardest thing I've tried to believe, is the existence of a higher power, like God. Growing up, my Mom was really into taking me to Native events. Because my Father was Native American she felt it was important for me to be exposed to the native way of life or whatever. Native ceremonies and practices are probably one of the most spiritual cultures so ive always been surrounded by stories of who created the world, all this mother earth, father sky crap. Who we should be giving thanks to, who we should pray for. To be honest i found it all very boring. I could never help but think, Who are we praying for? Why can't I see him? I don't want to talkl to him if i can't see him, that's weird. My family is not exactly religious, we've never been to church and we aren't strict about praying before dinner or anything like that. But for the most part, they do believe in a God that exists. Which is sometimes hard for me, because i don't really believe in God. At all. And we never talk about it.

Like I said iv'e never truely believed in any kind of higher power, but i always prayed and gave thanks anyways to make everyone else happy. I guess my biggest crisis of faith came when i was six and my Father was murdered. When i was six nothing was more important than my pokemon cards, and my Daddy was my world. I didnt exactly question things then, except at the occasional Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners. But when my Dad died, i questioned everything i had ever heard. It was all pretty confusing. Because my Father knew alot of people there were probably about 3 or 4 memorials and services, And of course i had to attend each one. I noticed that everyone was saying similar things. Mostly praying, but saying things like he was in a better place confused me. How did these people know he was in a better place? And then i realized that they couldnt know that for sure. They hadnt experienced that, so i listened to other things they were saying and praying about. And i started to feel like all they were saying was just a bunch of bullshit trying to make themselves feel better about everything. But i knew where he was. He was in the ground where they had put him last, just drained of life, thats it. There was no spirit of him floating around somewhere, there was no God.
What was so good about God anyway? Why did people believe in him? I was told that he answered your prayers, keeps away evil and ends suffering. Where was he now, everyones crying, and my Moms' suffering, He's nowhere to be seen. And if he was so good why did he let my dad die?

I was always the kid who tried to convince you that God didn't exist. I would argue for hours if you disagreed with me. I remember thinking to myself, these people are so stupid to believe in something so obviously unreal. I really didnt know how to see things from a different point of view, I mean I wasnt even ten yet. Now that ive matured, obviously i have respect for other peoples faiths and religion. I don't think it's stupid to have strong faith anymore because ive heard some hard life stories about people who found there god and turned there life around, just like that. That doesnt mean i would ever commit to something like that though. Maybe in a way ive always wanted a faith. Sometimes i look back on ancient cultures like the Aztecs or Egyptians, like way back. Most of there everyday lives were spent praying and in religous ceremonies. There whole lives revolved around there god, and they made it there number one priority. They did things like human sacrafices and that was how strong there faith was. They built temples and preserved there dead, all in the name of whoever their god was. Maybe something solid like that in life would be good for me.
I think ive always been a little bitter about it though. I can't force myself to believe it, so i cant help but snicker when i hear things like 'Jesus can turn your life around.' It's not me being ignorant, i actually admire people who can really commit there lives to god. Because i dont have faith like that. I never have, and i dont know if i ever will.

While Your Busy Planning, I'll Be Busy Living.

The tension in my house is killing me, i feel like I'm slowly suffocating. Time is running out for me to figure out what to do with my life, and my mom won't let me forget this. It was bad before, but now it's worse. Now it's every morning, every time i come home, every dinner conversation. Every conversation. I'm being suffocated with questions, not just about school now. She says she wants to be able to talk, then she says shes not a friend. She tries to talk to me sometimes but it ends in fighting, always. All shes doing is pushing me away and making me not want to be near her. I'm losing all feeling, it's just a person i cant get off my back now. That's all. And that's how it is now, i don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this house with her, in this stupid school with these people, in claustrophobic Alameda. I'm just getting through everyday and that's it, waiting. I don't want to think about my life and how its going to be, i just want to crawl into my bed, the only thing i find comfort in, and sleep until the day i turn 18. Crawl out, and run. Ive never wanted something so bad. Ive never wanted to leave so bad. I don't think you get it though.
Away from here, i want to go on one long road trip with my best friend. We planned it out already. Pack up and leave this place that makes me sick with dread every time i have to get up in the morning. I want to cross over high street bridge and know for sure I'm leaving Alameda, for good. Sounds stupid right? Sounds pretty dumb, i might just ruin my whole life...for what? A little freedom, a breath of fresh air that Ive never had.

I don't want a fucking life plan. I don't want to come home everyday from a 9-5 job, sit on my ass and watch TV. Get up and do it again the next day. I don't have a faith and i don't believe in reincarnation, so why the fuck would i waste my life away. Not that there is anything wrong for those who do that everyday, you do what you gotta do, but its not me. I would end up in an institution, going crazy looking at four walls. Kinda like now. Except not, because i wont let myself get there.
None of these people matter, Everyone here is plastic, I'm gone in three years anyways, no strings attached, I'm leaving everyone and i won't feel bad about it. I refuse to sit and watch everything pass by. I want to see things with my own eyes. I want to see everything. Adventures, hitchhike, experiences, who cares. At least I'll be living. Doesn't matter if i don't have a cent to my name, maybe I'll be living out of a car, maybe I'll be risking my life. At least I'll be living. And at the end of the day i want to sit on the edge of the biggest mountain watching a sunset with some guy i met at a pit stop, sharing a cheeseburger and breathing freedom, thinking about how miserable life must be for those still stuck in claustrophobia.

CATS.

Cats have been associated with humans for at least 9,500 years and are currently the most popular pet in the world. Due to their close association with humans, cats are now found almost everywhere on Earth. Until recently the cat was commonly believed to have been domesticated in ancient egypt, where it was a cult animal. A study in 2007 found that the lines of descent of all house cats probably run through as few as five self domesticating african wildcats 8000 BC, in the near east. The earliest evidence of cat domestication is a kitten that was buried with its owner 9,500 years ago in Cyprus. Cats can function at only one-sixth the light level required for human vision. Cats have excellent hearing and can detect an extremely broad range of frequencies. They can hear higher-pitched sounds than either dogs or humans, detecting frequencies from 55 Hz up to 79 kHz, a range of 10.5 octaves; while humans can only hear from 31 Hz up to 18 kHz, and dogs hear from 67 Hz to 44 kHz, which are both ranges of about 9 octaves. Cats conserve energy by sleeping more than most animals, especially as they grow older. The daily duration of sleep varies, usually 12–16 hours, with 13–14 being the average. Some cats can sleep as much as 20 hours in a 24-hour period. The term Cat Nap refers to the cat's ability to fall asleep (lightly) for a brief period and has entered the English lexicon—someone who nods off for a few minutes is said to be "taking a cat nap". Cats are known for their cleanliness, spending many hours licking their coats.The cat's tounge has backwards-facing spines about 500 micrometers long, which are called papillae These spines allow cats to groom themselves by licking their fur, with the rows of papillae acting like a hairbrush. Some cats, particularly longhaired cats, occasionally regurgitate hairballs of fur that have collected in their stomachs from grooming. These clumps of fur are usually sausage-shaped and about two to three centimeters long. haha.