WINTERBREAK!

There is less than 24 hours until winter break! Im super excited!! Alot of people that i know are going to Vegas. I don't know why. I went during the summer and it was so HOT. It was really crowded too, but allota fun.
Anyways, i just really don't want to be in school for a while. Lately everything has been feeling so redundant. It feels like the same thing everyday. I hate getting up in the morning, i hate sitting through the classes, i dislike the very fake and childish people at our school. ive been very good at staying away from the drama or whatever but now its catching up to me and i hate it. And then i go home and study, so i can do it all over again the next day. I really don't want to complain about my life, because theres plenty of wonderful people and things to be thankful for, but im just not feeling it right now. I feel like i need to sleep for a very long time.
Okay, i just needed to vent. Im done complaining now. Im not really doing much over break, hopefully relaxing a whhhhole lot. And hanging out. It sucks that alot of people are going to be gone. But i went somewhere for thanksgiving break so, i guess its kinda like a trade off. Im having huge writers block right now. crap. Uhm okay, so i thought the quick write in class today was pretty intresting. The one about electronics, not the one about cows and farm people. That was confusing. I felt like i could really relate to it because Yes, im one of those phone/ipod addicts. I think more so my Ipod than my phone because were constantly connected. I love my phone though. It does stuff that i don't even know how to use yet or havent even explored. But my Ipod is always plugged in. I need it to fall asleep. To do chores. To simply just walk. If i don't have it or forget it, which i try not to do, than i get really moody. Its a big problem with my mom because shes always saying that im so caught up in the technology, that i son't even know how to relate to people anymore. 'Like they used to in her day when they didnt have phones or ipods'. But no matter how many times she says it, im not going to just put it down and stop playing it, sorry. Thats just what people have come to these days, people are literally attached to there electronic devices. I was watching this show about a girl who got really sick whenever her mom would take her phone. Like she had a mental addiction to texting or something like that and would honestly get sick if she didnt have it on her. That is sad. I hope it doesnt ever get that bad for me, because thats just craziness!

The Bluest Eye.

So this week, we started our reading logs and the new books that we got to pick. My pick was a book called The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. My mom bought it a long time ago telling me it was a great book and that i should read it. I never ended up reading it because if my mom thought it was great than it must be boring. So when i was told to pick any book, it was the only book on my shelf that i had not read yet. So it bothered me that i hadn't read everything on my shelf yet, and what better way to read this book, because now i HAVE to read it. But it turns out that I'm really enjoying this book. I love the way that Toni Morrison writes, everything is very detailed and she really takes you to the time or place that shes describing. The Bluest Eye is basically the story of this little girls life. Her name is Pecola and Shes about nine when the story begins. she is African American and living somewhere in the south in like the early 1900's. It goes back in forth between the author describing Pecola and this other little girl named Claudia describing the story. Claudia and her sister Freida are the ones that Pecola stays with when Pecolas dad gets Pecola pregnant. YES, her dad!
But i think that the main point of the story is Pecola trying to discover and accept herself. Growing up shes not exactly considered pretty, like most girls shes going to school with. During the holidays, her mom always gets her these dolls and they always have blue eyes. She finds herself destroying the dolls out of anger but she doesn't realize why she is so angry towards the dolls. Then a girl named Maureen comes to her school. She's white, rich, and beautiful. She doesnt get picked on and everyone seems to love her. She's everything that Pecola wants to be. And she has blue eyes.
Every night for a whole year Pecola prays to god to turn pretty. But most of all she prays to have blue eyes. Naturally, this doesn't happen.
What i love most about the story is that it has the main story which is about Pecola, but it also has all these in between things. Like little stories within the main story.
I'm about halfway through this book and i already love it, and i guess i should have listened to my mother. Sorry, for giving like half of it away though but i WOULD still recommend this book to anyone and also the author because shes such a good writer in general and has a lot of books to be read.

My wonderful thanksgiving break.

Eh, i really do not feel like writing but im going to do this anyways.
So, not too long ago, i got over the worst pain that i have ever encountered. And maybe thats a little dramatic, but it was definately top ten.It started the day we went to thanksgiving break, so tuesday. Throughout the day on tuesday, i starated having these body aches that just made life uncomfortable. Then when i got home my throat started hurting. I thought it was just a regular sore throat. Then i got the chills, which means fever usally. And that was when i realized i was sick and it was going to be hell. I didnt want to tell my mom because we were going to visit her friends for the break and all my mom ever does is yell at me for being sick, when im sick. And she had already made it clear she didnt want me ruining her vacation.
By the time i went to bed, i had taken a walk earlier and felt pretty good. Sometime during the night i woke up, and was like ohhh shitt. This is not good. My throat was KILLING me! I still didnt tell my mom and we drove up there on wedensday. I slept most of the way hoping i would wake up and feel better. It was pretty weird, I had no fever anymore, I wasnt coughing or sneezing and my nose wasnt stuffed. My head didnt hurt and neither did my stomach. But my throat felt like something was eating away at it. And the only other thing i felt was exhausted. Like sleep for 24hours, exhausted.
We were almost there and i was excited because i love the guest rooms bed, and all i could think about was sleeping. My mom decided to stop in mcdonalds because her friends house only has healthy food. I was starving. And it took all i had not to shudder each time i swallowed. I finally ended up telling my mom, and she yelled at me. To make a long story shorter, My throat progressed to the point where i couldnt bring myself to swallow anything, i didnt want water, anything at all. It was like that for thanksgiving, so i just didnt eat even though i was starving. I figured starving was better than the pain of having to swallow the food. The worst part was it wasnt just food, it was swallowing in general, which is really sucks because its almost impossible not to have to swallow sometime. At night it got worse, if thats possible, and i barely got any sleep. This was nothing like the little sore throat ive always expirinced when being sick. Except i had no other symptoms, other than wanting to rip my throat out.
On the third or fourth day i had it, whatever it was, i woke up and it had like morphed into something new. and even more painful. Now, it was one side of my throat and it was higher up, more near the back of my mouth, and it was completely swollen. Not only could i not eat but now it was nearly impossible to talk. Which i think pleased my mom, just a little.
So she finally dragged me to the hospital, and they said it was really bad but couldnt diagnose it. Then they gave me drugs. I have never been so thrilled to swallow pills, even though that hurt. Now im taking these really strong antibiotics every six hours for a while now. And my throat feels back to normal. And im still making up for all the food i missed on thanksgiving =)

Feeling a bit used. Feeling a bit crazy.

Lately, Ive been feeling a bit used by certain people. I don't know why I'm writing this, except for the fact i need to let it out. So, any girl that has been used by a guy definitely can relate to this. They say things to make you laugh and make you smile, but maybe they really just want one thing. And we all know what that is.
What do you mean; i like being with you,spending time, hanging out, everything about you. Oh, but i just don't want to be in a relationship with you right now. And on top of that, I'm going to ignore you for the most part at school and act like i wasn't begging you to hang out last weekend. But maybe i should know better, when we hang out, how it's always late night, how your always buzzed off of something, how it's always, "wanna go back to my place" And yeah, I'm not stupid, i REALIZE what is happening. But why do i still like you?
So, as of now, i don't know what I'm going to do with this situation. I know what i have to do, which is tell him he can go fuck himself, because hes wasting my time if he doesn't want something real. But that's definitely not what i want to do. Right now, I'm just happy it's thanksgiving break so that i can get out of Alameda and think these things over.
On another subject, I keep having these out of body experiences. Well not exactly, but i don't know what else to call it. It's really weird. Like I'll be sitting in class and I'll go to touch my hair or face, and it's like i can't feel myself touching it. I can feel a hand touching my hair, but it doesn't feel like my own hand. Or I'll be walking in the hall or somewhere and I'll just get really dizzy or i guess, lost. It will feel like I'm not walking down this hall or street. I'm just walking, but i don't realize it. Most of the time, it doesn't feel like I'm inside my head. Like I'm not even here all the way. I was just stopped typing this and randomly phased out, and i just remembered i was writing this! God, i must sound like a crazy person. That's what people look at me like when i try to explain this, like a crazy person. And now i feel crazy too. My mom thinks I'm depressed or something, but I'm not sure whats happening. But i hope it will make a good story soon. I also feel super tired all of a sudden and now have the chills. I hope these aren't like symptoms of something serious. That wouldn't be fun at all.
I got it! I feel like I'm stuck inside a painting. hmm, that's what it feels like. I think maybe Ive heard that before, but I'm not sure. huh, weird. I guess I'll try to act normal.

TEXTING =)

So, i noticed i always do my blogs on Tuesday nights.

The sooner the better i guess :]

UHM, i have no clue what to talk about. It's so cold. Like all the time now. No ew, i hate talking about the weather. Okay so...This is when i wish i had picked a solid topic to write about. But i didn't, so I'm stuck.

Anyways, i love texting. I got my first phone in like 6Th grade and i thought it was so cool, even though it was huge, and like the size of a brick. It was the shit back theen. But, i didn't even know what texting was. Then in like 7Th grade my best friend got this bright pink phone that also looked like a brick and i was suuuuuuper jealous, haha. Anyway, all of a sudden she told me she was texting her other friend. And i was like what the fuck is texting? And she told me how it works. And i totally failed at understanding how it works because i didn't get why there was three letters on one key (there were no keyboard phones). So i was like, fuck that.

When i finally came to understand that texting was a blessing, my mom had gone with the no texting plan. So for the two years i had my phone, i was deprived the luxury of texting. I texted people off of my friends phone alot though. My mom said, why can't you just pick up the phone and call your friends, if you need to talk to them. She doesn't get that when i begged her for my phone back in 6Th grade, i just wanted to say i had a cell phone . I don't actually like talking on the phone to people, because I'm awkward. But then when i discovered texting, i found out that it cuts out all the awkward silences. It's great! SO, i begged, begged, begged again. And i finally got crappy metro, so that she wouldn't have to pay extra for my awful texting.

It's like a disease, it really is. I know some people do it, but don't think it's that great. I guess for me, it's like not wanting to re live all those awkward uncomfortable situations, so i text awwwwaaay. Just to go on a rant for the hell of it, I hate when im texting someone and i write some like long intresting story about my day and all someone has to say is LOL. That mostly happens with guys though. It's like okay....i just told you important information and all you have to say is lol. It makes the whole conversation weird after that. Or when your texting someone you like or you really want to talk to, and they take a MILLION hours to respond. I text really fast and it's frustrating when the person isnt keeping pace with your texting. Or maybe they just stop responding all together. Yeah, those are the downsides of texting. OH, I also hate how i get NO reception in most parts of the school :( i know that's the last thing i should be worrying about while I'm in school, but whatever. Now, i only talk to my mom on the phone and sometimes my best friend because we basically share the same mind =)

My Escape>

I am suuuuper excited =)
I just thought of winter break and got really happy. Christmas is pretty cool and everything, but i never get what i want. My best friend is obsessed with Christmas, and was singing Christmas songs in the middle of September. I had to tell her to shut the fuck up. Anyways, that's not why I'm excited. I'm excited because every winter break me and my mom go to visit one of her old friends in some middle-of-nowhere place. I think it's way, way up north though. It's like a four hour drive up there, and even though that is four hours of nagging, it's totally worth it. It's on a reservation that is really small, It's really just two very long streets of government houses. My moms friend is David and he used to be my moms neighbor years before i was born. Then about 8 years ago he was working for terminex and got bit by a black widow spider. It paralyzed him from waist down. The thing i love about him is, I've never once heard him complain about being in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, even though i see him struggling with the simplest of things. Anyways, he lives on the very end of the second street, so it's pretty secluded. There is a huge grassy hill not more than 2 feet behind his house. And if you stand on his porch and look down, there is fields and fields of brilliantly colored grapes. Off to the side of the house there is a mini canyon type thing with a flowing river. And trees, everywhere.
But the very best thing about this wonderful place is, it's under a constant cloud of rain. Beautiful rain, not the messy Alameda rain. The kind of rain that makes the trees come alive and makes you want to roll down that grassy hill even though it's like 30 degrees outside. It makes everything smell fresh and new, like all of the scenery was newly created. And you could sit for hours watching the rain in amazement. I love when it rains. And because we go in the winter, my favorite season, it's always raining :)
When it's not raining, it's most likely cloudy. Which is cool with me too because I'm not a big fan of sunlight. The mornings are probably the best, because it's usually stopped raining for a moment. And you step outside and everything is just..indescribable. I love seeing the wild animals, like the deer and turkeys, and sounds of other wild birds/animals are pretty to listen to when your sitting there, thinking. It's the times i can remember being most relaxed in my entire life. And at night, the stars are just another thing that amazes me. Looking at the stars, which i am obsessed with doing, is nothing like looking at stars in Alameda though. Whenever i look up at nighttime, i feel like I'm being let in on a seceret that not many people know about.
Anyways, i CAN NOT wait, to get outtttta here.

Statement Of Purpose Again?

When i first heard we were going to blog, i got a bit worried. Im not used to writing down thoughts, ideas... feelings. And i also hate setting up new accounts. Why couldnt we just do normal assignments that NORMAL english classes do? But now that ive been blogging for a while ive found out, it makes me happy! I actually like this shit. It's hella exciting. haha. Most of my blogs are just really random and they change with the mood im in. And that was my goal. I pretty much just write whats on my mind at the moment i sit down to the computer. I like it that way, i don't like having to think about it before hand because i already know i'll get it done. And i like the freedom of being able to actually write whats on my mind. Im not sure if my writing has really improved any. I hope it has, but it's hard to tell. Im better at writiting in paragraphs :) Im also better at knowing when to put commas, periods, etc. And i try to break down my sentences more, so there isnt as many run-on's.

I pretty much wrote what i said i was going to write, which was nothing in particular. Except i think i had said that mabey i would write about the weather. I have changed that. I do not want to write about the weather because whenever it rains, there is ten million people blogging about the rain. It's annoying. I don't remeber what else i said, but im pretty sure it's not important because i was just trying to finish that thing. So, guess what? I don't have any goals for the second quarter. Well, except get good grades. But i mean in writing my blogs. Im just going to stick with what i have been doing and not plan ahead, because i never plan ahead ;]