FINALFINAL.

I was never introduced to a blog until the beginning of this year. Actually i never knew what it was before that either. I did not want to have a blog because it seemed like way too much work just to write something down. But now, looking back on it, it was for different reasons. I honestly didn't really know much about the internet. Having a blog opened me up to learning new things about the internet. I'm happy i decided to go along with the whole blog idea.

Since it is now the end of the year, i want to take my writing back all the way to the beginning. My very first blog post, also my statement of purpose. Its not very long, so here it goes:

So, im not very good at getting my thoughts into words, because i rarely ever say what im thinking. But i think that this blog is going to be good practice. I'd like to write about music or something that is close to me. But i figure that music is to complex to really speak on. I really would like to choose a solid topic to write about but im to indecisive, so im probably going to just write whatever is gong through my head at the moment. Maybe something like our bi-polar weather, or the books that im constantly reading, or the personal experiences I've encountered.

I also want to improve my writing. Like not babbling on and on about something off subject, because i tend to do that a lot, stay on topic! I want to see the positive side of a subject, because im always pointing out negatives. Also, like i said, i need to improve on writing(typing) down my thoughts clearly, so that people who don't live in Tara's world can comprehend my point. I want to think and write my thoughts all the way through.

I think this blog tells a lot about me when i started writing. I remember it took me forever to just come up with this. The first sentence is so very true, i was just not good at writing.When i did eventually get it out, it came out okay, but in my head things were all mixed up. I also remember stressing over a topic to choose, me being very indecisive, i decided to just write about anything. I think if i had chosen a solid topic to blog about, i would not have been able to complete all my blogs or i would've gone crazy. My goals to improve my writing, ( i hate to say it ) were mostly put there to get this assignment over with because i did not believe this would help my writing. Reading it over now i think, even though at the time i was just trying to get this over with, in the back of my head i knew those were really my goals for writing. I don't think this blog is bad for my very first blog, i actually think its better than some of the blogs that came after it.

Like i said, the quality of my blogs went back and forth. Blogs that were after my first couple of blogs, seemed to be worse than before due to the lack of effort on my part. Toward the early middle of the year, i started getting more feedback about how to improve my writing. By then i had decided that i really did want to work on this because it can be a benefit in the future. Feedback is great when you want to learn how to be a good writer. My Crisis Of Faith blog was a big turning point for me with writing. I really put a lot of work into that, because i wanted to be able to look back on it and see how my writing improved. I remember not having as much of as problem writing that blog and making my thoughts into words, as i had before.

My mother thinks its obvious that my writing has improved. Shes always reading papers i've had laying around and she definitely agreed that my writing has gotten better even before she knew that i was doing blogs every week. I writing challenge i had before was thinking thoughts in my head, and being able to put them on paper in a way where people could understand. That wasn't only with writing, that was with speaking to people too. These assignments have taken me beyond just being able to type better. I really like being able to get my point across now.

Another thing i improved on has been the writers block! oh, its just horrible. I used to get it almost every other sentence. I thought that it was just something you cant fix. After doing the exercises in class, which i, once again thought wouldn't help, i was proved wrong. Slowly, after exercises i used such as brainstorming ahead of time, and writing down random thought i wanted to add, writers block kind of just faded away. I used to say, 'uhmmmm' and 'sooo' a lot in my blogs because i was really stuck. Now i can usually make my thought up and put them right into words without hesitation.

I think anything can inspire you to write, because there’s no limit on what to write about. You can basically write about everything and anything. Some things that inspire my blogs would be books, topics in class, moods in general, etc. A big inspiration would be other people, surprisingly. Being able to look and comment on other classmate’s blogs is a very helpful idea. Sometime you will read someone’s blog and be like, I can add to that or I have a different opinion about this. Also, I think a lot of the discussions in class are the best for starter ideas when doing a blog because there are so many different people contributing their ideas. Then you go create your own blog on the topic and have more than enough ideas to keep you from not getting stuck.

monthly review =)

"hits you smack in the face. It not only has sex and drugs and rock n' roll, but it has elements far more rare. It tells the truth. It doesn't preach. It makes you think . . . As addictive as the drug it profiles." -VOYA

This month i read a book called Smack by Melvin Burgess. Its a fiction book about two teens who are in love, both from unpleasant homes, and decide to run away together. Tar and Gemma end up meeting some people there age at a party full of other teens runaways, Lily and Rob, who are also a couple. Gemma and Lily immediately click and become inseparable, and they learn the rules of living as runaways from them. After living with Lily and Rob for a while in an abandoned house, Gemma realizes there both heroin addicts. Lily having such a big influence on Gemma, she convinces her that its not really that bad, in fact its pretty damn good. She persuades her to try it with her, and Gemma falls in love with the drug right away. Eventually she wants share it with her love, and convinces Tar to try it too. So four teen runaways addicted to heroin is basically what this book is about.
Despite how depressing the story line sounds, this book is really great. I really enjoyed this book because it was super interesting and made me keep wanting to read on. I was glad that i had finally picked a book worth reading, because the last few times i made the wrong choices with choosing a book. This is the only book Ive read by Melvin Burgess and i think that he is a fantastic writer. Melvin Burgess is a British author who was born on April 25, 1954. In 1990 his first book was published, The Cry of the Wolf. He gained recognition with his second publication in 1996 with Junk. In 1999 Smack was published. Most of Burgess's writing themes revolve around teen drug use, or underage sex. Like i said he really is a talented, successful writer.

"Maybe that's the difference with me these days. I used to get this feeling that life was rushing past me and i had to grab hold of it or id lose everything. But when i moved here, i remember thinking, I'm in control now. It was the first time i felt i had my life in my own hands. There i was scrabbl9ing and struggling to keep things together. These days, i just let go of them. And it isn't me who falls. Its the rest of the world that goes away-up or down, i don't know. Just away."

I think that Melvin Burgess wrote this book as more of an information source in a story form. Like the causes and effects of drug abuse. In this book he really puts the spotlight on the negatives of addiction and abuse. I think he made the characters, Tar and Gemma, young teenagers to emphasis the fact that that the teenage years is usually where drug use begins. Therefore i believe this book was intended for teens, probably 14 and older, to learn from the characters mistakes. I would actually recommend this book to anyone really, just because its well written and anyone can learn a lesson from it. I'm pretty sure the authors goal was to write something that really made people think about the consequences to actions, he definitely achieved that goal. The good thing about his writing is that he makes a point to highlight the not-so-fun parts of drug use. He makes it seem glamorous at first, just like in real life.But quickly gets to the bad parts. Like coming off of heroin:

" so coming down was the first thing and it was awful. It really makes you feel bad. I spent a few hours rolling around groaning in my cell and then they let me go to the pharmacy. I was in a horrendous mess-sweating this horrid yellow juice that stung, and aching, and my teeth with this toothache that kept jumping from tooth to tooth. "

Like i said before this book is well written and very clear. The thing i like most is that the storyline is not confusing like some stories Ive read. I like the fact that in every chapter, a different character speaks, so you get the story from every point of view. You don't have to wonder what the other characters are thinking in a certain situation, because everyone gets a chance to speak there mind. Also i like that the author doesn't drag on and on about things in the book. A lot of books drag there plots and situations on and on, making the book become boring and redundant. He makes them clear but also keeps the story moving along. I don't really see a lot of weaknesses in this story, Melvin seems like a very experienced writer already and has a lot of talent.

"Looking back-some of the things we were doing. Rob was cottaging-you know? selling sex to homos in the public toilets. Lily went mad when she found out, it totally did her head in. It was all right when she was doing it at home with guys, but him doing it with men-she just went ape, running around screaming and crying. Me, i was knicking (stealing) stuff. Not from shops; I'd lost the bottle for that ages before. From Gemma, from Rob, from Lily. Anyone, id turn up late at a friends house, stay late, ask if i could stay and then get up in the night and sneak about opening drawers and digging around in cupboards and coat pockets. Thats the way it works. you'll eat shit or go in the ring for ten rounds with Mike Tyson-slave, hero, rent boy, pimp, master of the universe-you'll do whatever you have to do get your next hit. I'd have escaped (from jail). Id have committed murder."

bloggggg ,

omg. i hate geometry sooooo much. I do not see any point in learning about prisms and pyramids and cones and the volume of shit. There is no job that I would get that would get in life that would involve finding the volume of a stupid shape. I think that geometry should be optional, for kids that are sure that they want to do something that involves geometry as a career. For most people, especially in my geometry class, are simply failing. Its not at all the teachers fault, because i had the same teacher for algebra 1 and i passed fine. Geometry is just a complicated subject that involves a little too much brain power. Yes, i am FAILING geometry because i dont do any work. At first, i tried to pay attention and everything and it was okay because it was a review. But then, we started learning new subjects and became soooo much harder. fuck geometry!!
The sky is gray today :( which means that its most likely going to rain. which means that its not going to be a good friday.
Okay so more about classes. uhm, uqh im glad that this years almost over because i feel like i did not do a good job picking my classes for this year last year. Mostly, i regret signing up for my tech theatre class. I thought itwould be really cool, and it was in some ways i learned allota things. But it just wasnt for me, it takes alot of effort and disipline. The thing i disliked the most was the demanding schedule. The schedule was absolutely ridiculous. Working a play sometimes requreid being there from right after school, 3- until 11 o'clock at night, on school nights. Eventually i got sick of it and stopped doing it, i tried to transfer out but they said it was too late. Sooo, ive survived it this far without doing much and im glad its almost over.
Next year, i think im going to switch schools, im soooo EXCITED!
And then my next period is spanish. i have no comment on that. Lets just say, im most excited to get out of that!
ON A ANOTHER NOTE, sorry this blog is super random.
The weather is Alameda has been absolutely terrible. When is it going to warm up? Usually I would be wearing shorts and getting a tan. But I am wearing my jacket to school every day and I still have my winter blankets on my bed. When is it going to warm up. I think this has something to do with global warming. The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has been a great concern to me. The marshlands are being destroyed and yet the government still hasn't successfully gotten it shut off or blocked. Furthermore, I feel the the economy is fucking plummeting down the drain! I mean--come on! When are my favorite teachers going to stop being laid off? This week I've seen at least four different teachers being handed the pink slip, and on top of that next year they are closing down Encinel and all of their students are comig to Alameda High! How are they ging to lay off so many teachers and expand the classroom sizes? I mean, are wee all suppose to sit on eachothers laps and share books because the school isn't getting enough funding? When isthe government going to put a stop to this?

3rd LIT LETTER.

my third paper clip of the book Smack by Melvin Burgess, i think is the best part of the whole book. I'm still amazed at the fact i was actually able to pick a book that i found interesting from beginning to end, and still wanted to keep reading it. Unlike some of the books ive picked in the past.
So in my last lit letter i left you with the knowledge of Gemma and Tar taking there first hits of heroin. After this everything seems great for them at first, then the third part is where their lives start to go downhill. They trick themselves into thinking they can quit smack at anytime they want, which leads to more using. Eventually there addiction is apparent, only after there wanted for such crimes as robbing stores cash registers and wanted by almost every drug dealer in town for stealing smack. Thats when they try to stop. There all extremely close, lake a family, so when Lily becomes pregnant, they all trying giving it up for the sake of the baby. But the want is way too strong by now. They quit over and over but relapse every time. The cycle repeats until the end, where Gemma quits for good,m because shes pregnant with Tars baby. Tar continues his addiction and so does Lily.
This writer, i think is etremely talented. I love how he writes. This is one of my favorite quotes from the book, because it kinda shows how strong addiction is, and how it effects lives.

"I dont believe in anything anymore. I dont believe in me, i dont believe in my friends. The thing is i have to remember is that im weak and there weak. I cant do it alone. If you have an addictive personality, you have to help from outside yourself. Some force outside you and stronger than you, that you can turn to when you feel weak. I know that i cant trust myself ever again. Loving someone. I thought it was magic. Its not you and its not them. Its not in you, its between you. its bigger and stronger than you are. Thats all i have really now. My personality almost dissapeared completely when iwas on heroin. Im off it but i still dont know who i am. I only know that im weak."

Hmm. So i cant wait until summer! I think ive been saying this since the very first day of school but oh well. Its true, now that its a little less than a month away, i can hardly wait. Everything feels like summers coming, The weather is changing and its getting hotter each day. I used to be all for the rain because i didnt really like the sun. But there was a time during the last couple months of 09' i think, where there was just constant rain. It changed my whole opinion, ecspecially when i dont usually like even wearing a sweater. Now, i hate when its all rainy and stuff. Im ready to start wearing lighter, more comfortable clothes. Not only will the weather be good, but there will be no early mornings. And no homework. And no 180 minute long classes to sit through. And i wont have to waste my money on buying lunch each day. And i can get a break from seeing the people i have to see everyday! (no offence)
I kinda wish i was going somewhere. I really want to go back to LA, like i did on spring break. Except the person that me and my mom usually stay with while were down there, just passed away. It was sooo sad because he was my moms good, good friend, and she was devastated. So something tells me werre not going back there for a while. Last summer i went to Vegas. That was soooo much fun, i just wish i was older. hahha. But it was sooo hot just like i like it during the summer, and i wore shorts every single day :) hmm. I used to want to live in disneyland, i used to beg my mom to take me there every chance she got. But now its just overrated. Theres always soo many people and you have to wait forever to get on a 2 minute ride. My uncle lives in florida and hes offered to take me to disney world, but i have a feeling its gonna be the exact same situation.
Ive been to hollywood a milllion times, but i still havent been to universal studios. I heard its really fun, i want to go. I guess somewhere local would be fun too, like san francisco. I wet there almost everyday during summer last year. Whats great about frisco is you can go and not have a plan, just go, and youll still find something fun to do.
Where else . . . Oooh, i really enjoyed yosemite when i went a couple years ago. Im not really into going into the woods and having insects bite all over your legs and arms, but yosemite was really calming. Everything was so beautiful, even the little animals. I liked the fact that we got to sleep in cabind with DOORS, and not pitch a tent. Mostly, i really want to go to Santa Cruise. I havent been there in forever! or at least, somewhere with rides, because i love love rollercoasters. But i would prefer Santa Cruise because it also has a beach. Im looking forward to alot of beaches this summer.

Letter #2

I have enjoyed reading to the second paperclip in my book Smack by Melvin Burgess. This book is definately meeting all of my expectations. Like i said in my first lit circle letter, i was hoping that this book would be similar or as good as the book Crank i read some time ago. Now that ive read a little over half of it, i believe that its so much better. Towards the middle of the book is where the story really picks up. Its where Gemma and Tar take there first hits of heroin. It all starts with a party there at, Gemma ends up meeting a girl named Lily who she becomes infatuated with. Not in the lover-type way, but she wants to be just like Lily because she amazes her. They hit it off right away, but she doesnt know at the time that Lily is a heroin addict. This passage is one of my favorite so far, because it kinda shows the reasons why Gemma would risk her life and listen to what Lily says, and take her first hit.

"Did you ever see someone and think straight away, i want to be that person? I
want to look like her and think like her and have the same effect as she does .
. . you know? This girl-nothing mattered to her. All the rules, all the things
you do do and don't do, the manners, everything-she had none of that. If she
didnt like it she just didnt do it. If she did it, it was good. She didnt have
to say please or thank you. She didnt have to be offered anything; it was
already hers. She was more herself than anyone else ever was and as soon as i
clapped eyes on her i knew i wanted to be myself just as much as she was
herself."

Since Gemma and Tar are runaways, Lily invites them to stay at her place, And thats where they first try heroin. It goes from a little to make them feel good, to eventually a serious addiction. At first they dont realize that they are addicts and they think they can stop whenever.

once upona time

This week has been such a long week. On Monday and Tuesday the days went by so slowlyyyy. There was alot of homework, like the whole history assignment that omalley gave out. I didnt think that it would take that long, so i put it off until wedensday. the first part of it was actually due on monday, i thought he would still give me credit if i turned it in on wedensday but it turns out you have to do extra work for everyday its late. So by wedensday i had to do so many assignments. Most of the time when i go home, i dont really do shit. I eat, first of all. Then i either lay on my bed, Or go watch tv. When my mom gets home from work i usually act like im doing something important and spend about a half hour actually doing a assignments. I hate homework so much so i usually try to spend as little time on it as possible. I dont really see why we have to spend the whole day in school, doing schoolwork. Then go home and do more. Its the dumbest thing ever.
So anyways On wedensday my day was horrible. I finally came to the realization more assignments to do then i usually have in like two weeks. I ended staying up until like 12, which is normal but not doing homework. The only good thing was that i felt soooo much better that i had finished everything i had to do. I also ended up finishing other assignment because i figured since im doing so much work anyways, i dont want to do this two nights in a row. I had totally forget the fact that i didnt even have that class the next day. Ohwelll, i was glad i had gotit all done. Im still stuck doing this right now though... hmm.
Im so dissapointed in myself. I used to read sooo many books. I havent read a book, just to read in a long time. Ive read books for english but thats about it. I dont know why exacly i havent been reading as much. I also used to write alot, and i havent beren doing that much either apart from this. I feel like i have gotten so lazy these last couple of months. Another thing i used to do alot, was workout. I wanted to get my ideal body shape, and i was almost there until i started being lazy. SO those are the three things i want to start doing again before summer.
Okay, so about our quickwrite this week, heres what i think: If i had to give up something for 48 hours it would probably be either my ipod or swearing. Giving up my ipod would probably be the second hardest thing i would have to do. The first would definitely be my phone. I'm ashamed to say my phone is my whole world. Im sorry, im no0t giving that up. But giving up my ipod would also be very very very hard. My life would be so silent and void of music. Everyday, every free minute i have im almost always listening to music on my ipod. I have a millllllion songs on there i just cant be without. I cant really even imagine what it would be like.
As for the swearing, i have horrible manners when i comes to swearing. I really should stop for good.