While Your Busy Planning, I'll Be Busy Living.

The tension in my house is killing me, i feel like I'm slowly suffocating. Time is running out for me to figure out what to do with my life, and my mom won't let me forget this. It was bad before, but now it's worse. Now it's every morning, every time i come home, every dinner conversation. Every conversation. I'm being suffocated with questions, not just about school now. She says she wants to be able to talk, then she says shes not a friend. She tries to talk to me sometimes but it ends in fighting, always. All shes doing is pushing me away and making me not want to be near her. I'm losing all feeling, it's just a person i cant get off my back now. That's all. And that's how it is now, i don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this house with her, in this stupid school with these people, in claustrophobic Alameda. I'm just getting through everyday and that's it, waiting. I don't want to think about my life and how its going to be, i just want to crawl into my bed, the only thing i find comfort in, and sleep until the day i turn 18. Crawl out, and run. Ive never wanted something so bad. Ive never wanted to leave so bad. I don't think you get it though.
Away from here, i want to go on one long road trip with my best friend. We planned it out already. Pack up and leave this place that makes me sick with dread every time i have to get up in the morning. I want to cross over high street bridge and know for sure I'm leaving Alameda, for good. Sounds stupid right? Sounds pretty dumb, i might just ruin my whole life...for what? A little freedom, a breath of fresh air that Ive never had.

I don't want a fucking life plan. I don't want to come home everyday from a 9-5 job, sit on my ass and watch TV. Get up and do it again the next day. I don't have a faith and i don't believe in reincarnation, so why the fuck would i waste my life away. Not that there is anything wrong for those who do that everyday, you do what you gotta do, but its not me. I would end up in an institution, going crazy looking at four walls. Kinda like now. Except not, because i wont let myself get there.
None of these people matter, Everyone here is plastic, I'm gone in three years anyways, no strings attached, I'm leaving everyone and i won't feel bad about it. I refuse to sit and watch everything pass by. I want to see things with my own eyes. I want to see everything. Adventures, hitchhike, experiences, who cares. At least I'll be living. Doesn't matter if i don't have a cent to my name, maybe I'll be living out of a car, maybe I'll be risking my life. At least I'll be living. And at the end of the day i want to sit on the edge of the biggest mountain watching a sunset with some guy i met at a pit stop, sharing a cheeseburger and breathing freedom, thinking about how miserable life must be for those still stuck in claustrophobia.